I’m trying to balance my life.

Achieve equilibrium.

However, I currently feel a bit like this: 

I’m afraid of the mess if I let them all fall, but then again,

I’m so tired of trying to do this on my own. 

Which brings me to the topic of God and my newly received calling… and the confusion the discomfort, and the fear that has accompanied this new… revelation (?) of sorts. Which I would explain, except I think that in explaining it all again, I might just get overwhelmed. So I will speak in Scripture: 

Hebrews 12:1-3 -
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Ephesians 4:1-7 - 
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift.”
And an Aaron Shust song: 
Search my heart, search my mind, search my soul 
Make me clean, make me new make me whole All of my plans,
all of my dreams, I lay them down before Your feet 
All of my time, all that was mine, I now submit to Your design 
‘Cause You are the one who can make my life complete 
You are the one who can give light to my feet 
You are the one and only one who dared to give it all away for me   

You are my strength, You are my God, you are my King 
You make me laugh, You make me dance, You make me sing 

Everything inside, everything outside, I give it all away 
You never change, but You rearrange my heart more everyday

And a Switchfoot song:

She’s alone tonight with a bitter cup and
She’s undone tonight, she’s all used up,
She’s been staring down the demons
Who’ve been screaming
She’s just another so and so,
Another so and so

You are golden,
You are golden, Child
You are golden,
Don’t let go
Don’t let go tonight

There’s a fear that burns like trash inside
And your shame of the curse that burns your eyes
You’ve been hiding in your bedroom,
Hoping this isn’t how the story has to go
It’s not the way it goes,
It’s your book now,

You are golden,
You are golden, Child
You are golden,
Don’t let go
Don’t let go tonight

You’re a lonely soul in a land of broken hearts
You’re far from home, it’s a perfect place to start

So this final verse is a contradiction
And the more we learn the less we know

We’ve been talkin’ about a feeling,
We both know inside but couldn’t find the words
I couldn’t write this verse,
I’ve seldom been so sure,
About anything before

Golden,
You are Golden, Child

You are Golden,
Don’t let go
Don’t let go tonight

This world is a dead man down 
Every breath is a fading crown we wear 
Like some debilitated king 
Don’t let go tonight

The Earth spins and the moon goes round 
The green comes from the frozen ground
And everything will be made new again 

Hey, like freedom in spring, 
Like freedom in spring 

 

It’s like the freedom in spring, and the surrender of the weak, and it’s like running a race for the sake of Him alone, and it’s like a passion that dwells in these hardened and weary bones. It’s moving forward, and being still, all in the same breath. It’s breathing. It’s being made new again.