I wonder if lies are so pervasive a sin because they are a creation. They are a deviation from the God-made truth, and instead are stories of our own power and creativity’s work. No wonder they never ever truly succeed. 

“Breaking myself
To follow your rules
And I beat myself up
When I can’t find the strength
When I can’t seem to change
The harder I think
Let me get this straight
Let me feel the weight of an ordinary day
‘Cause I’ve tried to heal this thing
But you let me slip away
When I run away
You just let me run
And I take it too far
By the time I am done
And I understand
I’m thick in the skull
But I’m learning to love
The sound of your call”

-Griffen House: Ordinary Day

Maybe that is exactly what I need right now. To realize that I’m thick in the skull and not nearly as creative as the God who made each and every star. Maybe the lies that I always tell myself: I can’t do it. I’m not good enough. I’m not worth it really are… just lies. 

Maybe I just need to get this straight, that I’m gradually learning to love the sound of His call. When I can’t find the strength to change, I can call on Him to rescue me, but He lets me run away because He loves me too much that He cannot force me to be anything. Yet, He calls me back, gently and gracefully. 

So what am I trying to say? I’m trying to say that I’m not sure what my future holds and I’m okay with that. I’m going to go for what I love, for my dreams, for the things I know are of Him, and that’s all I can do right now, just to feel the weight of an ordinary day.