faithful.

Semper Fidelis means “Always Faithful”.

Buechner says of faith: “To have faith is to remember and wait”.

This is what I am doing. To remember and wait. To wait, not passively, but vigorously. Seizing time within my hands and saying these particles of sand is what my life is made out of! And to that end, at least for now, I am pursuing a goal to join the United States Marine Corps by the time I graduate college. I’ve never been excellent at follow-through, in fact, I’ve stunk at it. And I’m not going to say, “this time is different”, because it isn’t, and I’m not going to say, “I’m too weak to do this”, because I’m not.

I’ve realized that I’ve kept a ideal of perfection for myself in my mind when I’ve tried to do anything. And while trying to do that anything, I constantly am reflecting everything I do or try back upon that image of perfection. When things don’t line up, it must mean failure.

But where the hell is this ideal coming from? God? Certainly not!
So therefore, what measure is success other than the constant attempt to try one’s best, give one’s all, and be at peace with the result, because you know that no matter what actually comes of it, you did the best you could.

I know it sounds corny, but seriously. Working out at the gym for the past 3 days, I’ve found my attitude changing, toward myself and towards my goals. Sure, I could look around the gym and see all the buff guys and skinny girls and compare myself to them. But what is that going to do except drive me from the gym, and back onto the couch?! Sure, I want to be strong and I want to be healthy, but it’s me who wants those things, so it’s me that is going to have to go and try and get them. When I stop letting shame seize me, the weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders and I can be who I am. I know that God loves the before picture, just as much as the after, so why do we always get caught up in the competition.

I’m competitive by nature. I like to drive fast, think deep, and talk right. But what I love is that God is taking such a critical component of my human nature, and turning it all around. He’s making me think about love and worth and joining something so much bigger than I am. It’s not solely a physically journey, but a spiritual one as well. And while, no, I may not be reading the Word every night, or even praying to God while I work my butt off on the Elliptical, and maybe I haven’t heard His voice in a long time, but what I have noticed is His fingerprints on my heart, molding it, tearing it to make it stronger, just like the muscles I’m working on, healing it through rest and through activity and through solitude and through discipline. He’s making my heart melt and fall in love with His creation, me. And that may sound conceited, but from where I’ve been to where I am now, it’s remarkable for me to even be able to write that.

Faith is remembering and waiting. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Faith is knowing the sinner and loving him… loving me anyway. God, our Divine Father, our Creator who sees all our sin and short-comings, has faith in us. Why do we have so much doubt in ourselves?

So finally, in the spirit of Semper Fi, 2 Peter 1:5-9 says:
“Make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.”

Remember you are cleansed. That God loves the before picture just as much as He loves the after, and that truly to Him there is no after, just progress, just growing up in faith, just a learning to eat solid food and not crave spiritual milk. But if you are there, as I am, craving spiritual milk, find comfort in the fact that His love is never changing, His power never ending, and His grace ever flowing.